As an ever-increasing recluse, I had convinced myself that I didn’t need people. I had “lost” everyone in my life whom I depended upon. Taken for granted that they would always be in my life.
After I lost him, many friendships followed. Lost my home. My rescue. My life as I knew it.
I felt so incredibly alone, living in a country far from my friends and having no human interactions. I believed that I would be alone for the rest of my life, and that the people I love end up leaving so it wasn’t worth investing any more of my heart.
Quite often, I think about “people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime”. Sometimes, we can’t really determine which purpose they serve. I always thought Michael was my lifetime, but it turned out that he was a season and a reason. I learned so much from him in the far too short time we were together. And now I truly do understand that he was a season. A season I needed, a season I loved, but a season nonetheless.
Others have been in my life for a reason. To teach me about pain, loss, rejection…to teach me about love, happiness, living in the moment. I believe some have been in my life because I had something to teach them, or they needed me for any number of reasons.
Lifetime relationships aren’t common. Two of those relationships in my life are people I thought I had lost. Relatives who formed opinions about me based on the lies of another jealous relative. Those two relationships are coming full circle as I’m about to see these two people for the first time in over 10 years. I can’t discuss much more about it until I’m sure the family shame secrets no longer exist, and I’m respecting their decision to prevent chaos in their lives by keeping things quiet for them.
Connection. Connections are all life really comes down to. My connections and friends helped bring me home from a dangerous place. Friends are the ones who provided me with housing options. Listened to my breakdowns. Connected me with resources and other people who are in my life for a reason as well.
My hard time in the DR was definitely for a reason. I have made lifelong friends from that experience. Lifetime relationships. I think.
Most recently, a friend connected me with a really special woman…the woman who now lives in my former home in Minnesota. After hearing her story and talking with her, a wonderful friendship is developing and I couldn’t feel better about who is living in “my” house and knowing that it will be a loving, loved, safe place for a family who needs it.
My session with a medium a few weeks ago was all about connections from those I’ve lost. I was assured that those connections continue, and that I have an amazing army of guardians on my side.
As I write this today, I’ve come to believe that EVERY single interpersonal relationship I have, is a relationship I need. I believe that any person who is a regular part of my life, belongs there. I have come to cherish connection and love so much more than I ever did. I guess that’s what loss has taught me.
I’m having some challenges re-integrating into real society. This is much more difficult than I imagined it would be. Establishing new connections after loss is really difficult. But it’s happening. New connections will be made, and they’ll be in my life for a reason, season, or lifetime. Every single one of them is meant to be.